Chemotherapy Starting again

Being back in a chemo lounge brings back those awful memories.  My Onco was great the moment I entered he said right we are going ahead then, I guess the decision is made.  We are starting at a very low dose of 50% of the recommended calculation for my body weight.  If my stomach holds then the next one will be higher, each one raising over the total of 4.  I don't know why only 4 but that is the only course this onco usually does.
Back in 04 chemotherapy wasn't on offer for mesothelioma, I remember in the October my chest specialist sending me to see an oncologist at James Cook in the hope that she could do something.  She told me there was nothing but if I could hold, on a drug that was being tested may just be released before the mesothelioma killed me.  As it turned out I was lucky and was offered a dose of Alimta on trial, at the end of December 04.  How many before me had been given nothing, its hard to contemplate that only 8 years ago that alimta wasn't even available.
So I had my B12 injection, I must admit it didn't really hurt as I had it in my bum, and start folic acid tomorrow, the diaries will come out of the cupboard so we can compare what happened and when, and hope the same doesn't this time round.
It seems that there are only a small handful of mesothelioma patients in my area, I find that hard to believe considering this was such an industrial area along with ship building just up the road.  As the lung nurse said today "we don't see enough of mesothelioma here to be able to understand it", I said this is where the patient leads the staff then.  I don't think it went down that well!
I was also told I can't use my elma cream on my veins, this is a first for me as every time before I have, my fear of the needles makes the whole experience much worse.  Before I would start having sweats just thinking about the needle 3 days beforehand, how will I cope this time.
Yes I know I sound like a coward, how could I get this far with meso and still be terrified of needles but the thought of the cannula going into my veins makes me feel physically sick.
Then the worry is what if it doesn't slow the meso down?  For some reason the meso has accelerated its growth pattern, yet I look much healthier at the moment than I have looked for some years... it doesn't make sense.  Look well - full of meso, look ill - meso grows slow!  My body certainly doesn't do what its supposed to do thats for sure.
So I start chemo on the 1st of November and Gloria, a friend in the states, goes in for surgery.  I hope for both our sakes all goes well.
I am pleased that Steve has picked up and hopefully his next chemo won't be so hard on him, having a chest infection certainly didn't help him on his first cycle.
I know that Gary will be ensuring the house is disinfected and I will be banned from going anywhere if there is a risk of germs.  Everyone at work is already suffering with one bug or another, this next week will be fun trying to dodge them but I need to get work sorted out before starting. 
To everyone on or starting I hope it goes well, to those in remission please stay there - I just wish I had a magic pill to take all our troubles away.

Post Title : Chemotherapy Starting again

Chemotherapy Starting again,

Chemotherapy Starting again


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