Reading Good News
I am so elated for the news of Steve's treatment (Doing Something Positive) a shrinkage which will also bring about remission. It is always wonderful to find out someone is doing well and that we can survive with this rotten, no terrible cancer.
As I am back to pre-chemo aches I am obviously so annoyed that my system was unable to deal with the 3rd line of carbo and premetrexed (Alimta) and I know the 1.5 measure I got did do something, but would it have lasted or would the results of the 07/08 still occurred, only 4 months remission? I have to hope the meso hasn't reacted badly and decides to start sprinting in growth rather than taking a slow walk.
We don't realise how lucky we are when we lose a couple of pains but we remember them the minute they come back. This is now a week since the heart region one has returned and stayed (infact it could be longer), and it is getting me slightly down. I guess because it's a reminder that I didn't succeed in remission, although I do believe for those short 6 weeks I did get some changes, the fluid obviously drained away somewhere.
We are still dealing with the unknown in many respects and lets face it many of our oncologists aren't really that interested in the in's and out's of mesothelioma because they will come across very few of us. There aren't many with a passion for this terrible cancer.
My blog has been a journey of the pain and suffering that I have gone through, the highs of remission, the lows of facing death. I have written it as honest as I can and I probably will continue in this manner through 2013. It's my record to remind me of what I have achieved as well as what I have endured and to help me look back as life has past me by. Hopefully for those who have followed the blog it has helped you understand that we can live past the 1 year as previously quoted and that although we may be with pain we still have life. I have tried to enjoy each and every day, sometimes worrying that I don't do enough to make the most of life, but I have come to realise that even without a death sentence many people don't do anything special, life is normal. We get up, go to work, come home, watch tv and go to bed. Our changes are weekends and holidays, I am living a normal life. I have vowed to do more this year, mainly because I am worried that it could be my last best year unless some miracle is around the corner.
Once the dust has settled and my normal life resumes (work etc) I will contact Hull and see about the ADAM's trial, but again should I hold back a bit or do it sooner? These are the only decisions that drive us crazy living with meso. Hubby asked why do I want to jump on the wagon again so soon, why not put meso to the back of my thoughts? He thinks that prior to my scan results of last September I was in a happy place with meso, how wrong was he, he never reads my blog and until September we never really talked about meso.
Which reminds me no date for the scan that was promised, shame they hadn't done it when he first said, after number two as it would have shown something good (in my mind anyway). By the time the scan is scheduled I guess I will be back where I started pre chemo.
So today is my last on holiday, yesterday we took the decorations down, today I am going to visit a friend and hopefully get my draft book back all proof read so I can make the alterations and get the thing finally published. I hope I find the time to write another fiction\fantasy book but I go through phases and I think my writing phase, like my house designing, has gone on the back burner. My next project is to sort out a book of our lives for hubby, but will need to do that in secret!
To brighten the day Woody called this morning to find some food, I love my desk by the window as I get to watch the birds, wish he would be brave to come up to the window sill thought .. maybe one day he will.
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